I’ve Never Been More Happy To Be A Republican

May 8th, 2008 by Jake Hatlin | Posted in Getting After The Left |

Anyone who has ever taken the company of a liberal already knew the answer to this one, but according to an article in Live Science, conservatives are happier in life than liberals. No…way!!! That sure does explain the term, Angry Liberal.

I suppose this does make sense, if you think about it. We’ve had the White House for 20 of the last 28 years. We focus on the positive and not on anguish. Republicans are more attractive people than their democrat counterparts. And if it weren’t for Curt Shilling, the Boston Red Sox would never have broken the curse of the Bambino.

All very valid reasons, but let’s check out what the article actually said. According to Live Science:

Regardless of marital status, income or church attendance, right-wing individuals reported greater life satisfaction and well-being than left-wingers, the new study found. Conservatives also scored highest on measures of rationalization, which gauge a person’s tendency to justify, or explain away, inequalities.

Ha! Highest on measures of rationalization! No more can a liberal look at me cross-eyed when I say to them that they aren’t being rational. You listening, MeanRachel?

Seriously, I am sooooooo happy right now.

The article goes on to cite that the main reason that Conservatives are happier than liberal boobs is because conservatives have come to grip with the fact that, in America, a capitalist country, we have this thing called different social and economic classes. As it turns out, liberals just can’t get past the reality that some people earn more money and have more luxurious lives than others. You know who else couldn’t get over that hurdle either…Communists!

I don’t know, is it envy or do liberals really buy into communism? One thing is for sure, neither explanation will ever rub off on me. I do alright in life, enough to be content, yet there are PLENTY who are better off than I.

But you know what…good for them. Sure there are a few who are born into money or pulled some lucky numbers out of a hat, however, on the whole those who have it better than I do so because they furthered their education when I didn’t, they worked harder than I did, they found individual talents in themselves that I don’t possess, and they took chances where I wasn’t willing to. So as I see it, they deserve to reap the rewards of where their successes met my shortcomings.

I’d love to keep writing, but suddenly I find myself filled with so much glee that I want to put this computer down and go enjoy a wonderful day. So this is where we part ways, liberals. I leave you to anguish over my “lower class oppressive” words and to steam at the thoughts of my insinuations. If you need me, I’ll be living the content life.