Finding A New Punching Bag - John Kelso
I’ll tell you, I haven’t been myself lately. I’ve been snapping a people on the street, sending back my coffee at Starbucks, cutting people off on the highway, and pulling the heads off of my sister’s Barbi dolls. Today after telling a five year old that Santa Claus wasn’t real and that I backed over the Easter Bunny last spring, I think I figured out the problem.
I’ve got a lot of pent-up aggression, made so from my about-face with Burnt Orange Report. Ever since I decided to change my tone with Texas’ leading liberal blog (see, there I go again), I haven’t had a punching bag to beat on.
So we are now holding open tryouts to fill the position of my own personal punching bag, so that I can return to the calm and even-headed Jake Hatlin who waits until children are eight before shattering their Christmas dreams. First up, a very…very qualified candidate, Austin’s very own loudmouth, John Kelso.
First and foremost, I think that we can all agree that anyone wanting to designate themselves as a historical landmark opens themselves up to all the grief that comes their way. But that is no new thing for Mr. Kelso, he’s been turning out pointless dribble and selling it as journalism for quite some time now.
Mr. Kelso’s latest story made me further question exactly what the AAS sees in him. According to him, the Gods of real estate have unfairly frowned upon a dry cleaner who is having to relocate because - brace yourself - their South Congress Avenue rent is going up. And in a related story, there’s not going to be a shortage of dry cleaners in downtown Austin.
Mr. Kelso covers the Washburn Town and County Cleaners, who are having to relocate at the end of the month after 31 years on South Congress because their rent is going from about 2,000 to about 10,000 a month. Now I will admit, that is quite the hike in rent. But at the same time, I’m sure the owner is charging a rate that someone is willing to pay.
And that is what real estate is suppose to be about, right? Getting the most out of your investment? Mr. Kelso’s tone seems to hint at that answer being no, that there is a greater social responsibility being ignored here. Yet I submit that if that were the prevailing thought then Austin would still resemble its panoramic from the early nineteen hundreds and everyone who has flocked to Austin since would have no place to work or call their home.
So what exactly are we talking about here every time we hear the sad story of an Austin icon that has to up and move because they have been priced out of their neighborhood? Gentrification is what we are talking about, or more specifically the theory that individual property value will increase as improvements and development around that property makes the area a more attractive location.
Bottom line…it happens. I don’t expect anyone to like it - least of which those that find themselves priced out - but gentrification is a natural occurrence of a healthy local economy and an aggressive development plan, two characteristics that accurately describe Austin right now.
So what is the real estate market in south Austin to do, Mr. Kelso? Specifically, what is the owner of the property that Washburn Town and County Cleaners calls home to do? Property values are up and they have an opportunity to increase their return on their investment, so how would you have them proceed?
Are they to shrug their shoulders and say, I know I could get more - a lot more - for this lease, but hey, you give me a discount on my laundry? As touching as that sounds, I don’t think it would be fair to expect that from an investment holder. Especially when you consider that the very same investment holder is also probably seeing their property taxes rise as the south Austin development keeps pushing the value of their real estate investment up and up.
Sure, it’s a bit of a shame that the brothers owned dry cleaning operation has to move because they can no longer afford to stay located where they are. But dare I say, that’s life?
Some of you may hate me for this, perhaps even my very own partner in crime, but I dare.
3 Responses to “Finding A New Punching Bag - John Kelso”
By Buffalo Bill on Jul 26, 2008
Sounds like you need to get laid. You got a LITTLE BIT wound up over this, don’t you think? Give Kelso a break, man. He has been publishing those humor columns for over 30 years. He can’t hit it out of the ball park EVERY time. So, make a booty call and calm down.
By John Kelso on Jul 26, 2008
Senor Moneybags,
If I may call you that.
I think you’re doing the right thing by sending back your Starbucks coffee. The stuff they make is bitter and they burn the beans. Besides, the town would be bettered served if you frequented a local coffee house.
Knowing your mindset — it’s all about the money — I think I can explain what the American-Statesman sees in me. I have a lot of readers. And apparently you’re one of ‘em. And we sure appreciate your business.
Now, about this rent hike.
The way these things usually work is this. These things being a gigantic rent hike presented to a longtime tenant all of a sudden.
The renters go for years paying less than the going rate at their location because granddad still owns the company, or the estate. Granddad made a deal with his tenant on a handshake years ago, when that sort of thinking prevailed in Texas. (That sort of up front business honesty started to die out in the ’80s.) Granddad considers the tenant a trusted friend, and he doesn’t really need the money. So he doesn’t bother to hike the rent.
Years go by. Growth occurs. Rents go up around the tenant.
Gramps dies and the kids inherit the company or the estate.
Ah hah, they notice. Ol’ Mom and Pop over here are paying 1978 rent on a piece of our property that’s now worth five times as much.
Let’s just jack ‘er up and get what it’s worth out of them.
Of course, I don’t know for sure if that’s what happened on this deal. But if it did, it wouldn’t surprise me.
Now, I don’t claim to be Jesus H. Christ. But if it were me, and I liked my tenant, what I think I would do (unless I was desperate or greedy) is ease the tenant into a rate hike, and help the guy find a new location, if that’s what it took.
Course, if it was somebody like you whose only line is the bottom line, I’d just stick it to yah.
Thanks for the publicity and don’t let your meat loaf.
And go ahead and use any of this you want in your blog. It’s $5 a word. I’ll send you the bill later.
By Jake Hatlin on Jul 26, 2008
Mr. Kelso –
You can call me anything you want, so long as you call me. It would be wrong of me to not admit that it is an honor to have an individual of your success taking notice of this little blog. I hope you take that as a compliment.
To be fair, Mr. Kelso, I’m not always against you. Back in 2004 when you said that Talmade Heflin needed to shut up and be a man about his loss to Hubert Vo, I was with you then. (I’m pretty sure it was you who said that)
We’ll just have to agree to disagree when it comes to the topic of your column and my subsequent post. Though I fear you won’t get that much publicity out of my coverage. Only you, I, and my mom read this blog. Oh, and Legeboy…he’s pretty cool when he’s not pretending to be my editor.
Lastly, I’m afraid it is you who is better fit for the name Senor Moneybags, seeing as your rate is 5 dollars a word and I don’t charge for my mindless dribble. See, I, too, have a sense of social responsibility over capitalism.
Let me know how that Historical Landmark thing works out for you.
JH